One of the examples that has impacted me the most regarding what a family can be is that of gangs.
Some time ago, I was involved in prison ministry, visiting women in the Chihuahua prison.
Before going, us young women received orientation on best practices, and above all, on sensitivity to their situation. Among other things, we were advised on what to say and what not to say, what types of conversations to foster and which to avoid.
They also mentioned socio-economic statistics that most of the incarcerated women had in common. There were several points, and the only one I remember to this day is that the vast majority came from broken families, and that they themselves were often the ones who broke those blood ties.
In many cases, they found a place of unconditional acceptance in gangs. And that intrigued me: why there?
Then they told us that, once the women had been “accepted” into the gang after an initiation ritual, there was a strong sense of sisterhood. There was a very strong sense of taking care of one another. And they shared words that the women themselves had said:
–This is my real family.
Wow.
And it was partly that sense of belonging that led them not to question the risky and dangerous activities that consequently led them to prison.
This situation left me thinking a lot, because obviously my only reference was my own family, where I received a lot of love. And for me, my family was never “so bad” that I would want to leave it. However, for these incarcerated women, it was.
It was mentioned that many women described their gang members as their true family.
And you, how do you define your true family? Is it your family by blood, or by choice?
Scripture shows us what a family by blood can be in terms of how they relate to one another: children to parents, parents to children, wives to husbands, and husbands to wives. And at the same time, the complexities of human relationships can also lead us to establish strong filial bonds beyond our blood family. I remember the title of an article I read a while ago. The article, referring to the Holy Family, said: The Holy Family, perfectly dysfunctional, just like mine.
—What?!
I would never have thought of it that way.
The article mentioned that Mary would have been a single mother if she hadn’t been taken in by Joseph. And outside the context of faith, what would people think of a man who decides to continue with his engagement after a dream that his fiancée is pregnant thanks to the Holy Spirit? Perhaps that he’s not mentally well…
The article went on to suggest that even though our families are (and they are) completely dysfunctional, they are also sacred. And sacredness doesn’t depend on whether or not it’s composed of a father and a mother. Where there is love, there is God.
Part of expressing love is accepting one another as we are. And returning to the story of the women who join gangs, I suppose they find a high degree of acceptance there that they couldn’t find in their biological families for whatever reason.
And you, how much do you accept your family members?
Mary accepted the possibility of becoming a single mother. After the Annunciation, she didn’t know what decision Joseph would make, whether to keep the engagement or not.
Joseph accepted Mary as his wife, and Jesus as his son.
And within yourself, how much do you accept the different aspects of your interior?
If the Spirit leads you, share with Jesus the carpenter what is easy and what is difficult for you to accept about yourself and your family members. And perhaps you will discover an invitation to a new place to deepen in love.
Marisol
P.S.: We can hear about the call to live in a family in the readings for the Feast of the Holy Family, year/cycle A.
