It has been nearly five years since my understanding of my own life—and the way I live it—underwent a radical shift.
Since then, as November 4th approaches, I find myself reflecting on how different my life was back then compared to where I stand now.
The turning point, the event that truly marked a “before and after,”was the emergency surgery I underwent to remove a brain tumor I hadn’t even known I had.
Looking closely at my life and health experiences, both before and after, certainly provides perspective. As time passes, it feels much like those activities in the coloring books I used to love, where you had to connect the dots to reveal an image.
Each year, I discover a “new dot,” and the image continues to expand.
I have had to remain very attentive to my own thoughts. Sometimes I find myself falling into the trap of failing to enjoy the mercy I have received, because I get stuck asking: “What if…? What if I had realized it sooner…? What if I had done things differently…? What if…?”
Do you ever find yourself questioning your own thoughts in a very harsh way?
It often takes me a while to realize just how harsh I can be toward myself. Once I do notice it, I seek to rest in the mercy I have received—and continue to receive.
In Scripture, there is an account of some Pharisees trying to set a trap for Jesus. They seek to accuse Him by asking whether it is lawful to pay taxes.
Do you ever feel as though your own thoughts are “accusing” you?
Could it be that, because these thoughts lack love, they might not be from God?
The genius of Jesus never ceases to surprise.
Perhaps you and I could ask ourselves a question similar to the one Jesus posed to the Pharisees?
We can look at “the coin,” or our own thoughts, and ask: “Whose image is this?”
If a thought (or the “image” it bears) is not loving, it is not from God. It is foreign to God; it may simply be our own tendency toward self-condemnation.
And if it is not from God, let us not attribute it to Him.
The next time you find yourself being accused by your own thoughts, could you observe them just as Jesus observed the coin? Could you discern what is from God and what is not?
If the Spirit leads you, share with Jesus the Carpenter what you observe in your thoughts. Perhaps, in doing so, you will be able to distinguish more clearly between what truly comes from God and what originates from within yourself.
Marisol
P.S. You can hear the account of Jesus questioning the Pharisees in the readings for the 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time, year / cycle A.
P.S. 2: For you who would like to delve deeper into observing your thoughts and discovering which ones come from God, you can still register for the Espiritualidad Cristiana course offered by LMU’s Center for Religion and Spirituality at the following link: https://crs.lmu.edu/espanol/
