It was one of the most difficult moments of a dark season in my life. I had the grace of having both my therapist and my spiritual director by my side. Each supported me in their own way. They were people I had admired even before meeting them personally—and upon meeting them, my respect for them only deepened. I received support, compassion, and a confidential space of honesty and respect.
In my adulthood, being in graduate school led me to deeply question many areas (if not all) of my life. And I did so with great seriousness and depth. My therapist, trained in depth psychology, was of enormous help; she gently guided me to uncover issues of which I had previously been unaware.
And with my spiritual director, I explored what emerged during my therapy sessions through the lens of faith.
It was a very hard time.
My spiritual director, in his wisdom, invited me to pray with Jesus—not with Jesus on the cross, but with Jesus *after* He had taken his last breath on the cross. Not with the dying Jesus, but with the dead Jesus.
We know the story; yes, the Resurrection is real—that was not something I questioned.
And you, have you ever found yourself in a moment or stage of life where you yearned for a new life?
I don’t remember who said it to me—whether it was my therapist or my spiritual director:
“Remember that growth happens in the darkness. A seed germinates deep within the earth, and a baby grows inside its mother’s womb. In both places, light is almost entirely absent.”
And after Jesus gave his last breath on the cross, they laid Jesus’ body in a tomb—sealed and dark.
At the right moment, I will ask Jesus on the other side of heaven, how did He manage it while He was “dead.” In that state, in His humanity, did He know that the Resurrection was what would come next?
And that was the very question I sought to explore in my prayer:
“Jesus, how did You find the strength to endure death?” We are about to celebrate Holy Week, a time when we remember the Passion, death, and Resurrection of Jesus. And although we observe this every year, we do not find ourselves at the same stage of life each time.
Now that some time has passed since that particular season of my life, I can indeed perceive inner growth within myself, thanks to having been able to endure that period of darkness.
And you, how do you navigate the moments of “inner death” in your own life?
If the Spirit leads you, share with “Jesus the Carpenter” how you are dealing with your moments of inner death. And perhaps you will discover that, with Jesus, you are far more accompanied and understood than you currently feel.
Marisol
P.S.: We can hear about the Passion and death of Jesus in the readings for Palm Sunday, Year/Cycle A.
