Hello companion on life’s journey. Ready to share?
When my youngest daughter, Natalie, was little, she took her time to walk alone. From about the time she turned one year old, she was ready to do it on her own, however, she didn’t do it. If her older sister took her hand and invited her to walk together, she didn’t want to. And since she was ready to walk, she didn’t want to be in my arms, or in her stroller when we went out. As big as she was, Natalie was still small, and I had to bend down and lower my arm so she could reach my hand.
Being at home, she didn’t want to hold on to the furniture or lean on the walls, what she wanted was my hand, and once she had my hand, she didn’t want to walk where I led her, she wanted to take her direction. And when we didn’t go the direction she wanted, she was VERY clear about letting me know. (Remembering this brings a smile to my heart)
I looked for several ways for her to walk on her own, I knew it was only a matter of time. But it seemed that Natalie was in no hurry at all.
And you, have you held on to something or someone to give you confidence on the path of your life?
With Natalie, what I started doing was giving her my index finger instead of my whole hand. Since Natalie felt close to me, there was no problem. Little by little she got used to only looking for my finger. Later, when I thought she was focused on what was in front of her, I would try to get her to let go of my finger, I would slide it little by little out of her little hand. But it didn’t work. She needed to feel my hand even if it was just a little bit.
One time I was sitting at my desk, and she wanted to walk. I was taking some notes, and with her in front of me, there was no time to waste for her to explore the world. Since I didn’t want to bend down so that Natalie could reach my hand, I kept the pen in my hand, and she, instead of grabbing my hand, grabbed the pen. It didn’t seem to bother her at all, knowing that I was holding the pen was enough for her. And it was at that moment that the light bulb turned on for me.
Once she went her merry way, happy and confident in “holding my hand,” I let go of the pen. And the magic happened. Natalie walked on her own!
I was walking behind her, observing her with detail and care, to prevent for her to poke herself with the pen. It was so funny, because she walked for quite a while without realizing that she was doing it by herself. When she finally realized that I was not next to her, she started to want to cry, and she sat on the floor immediately. But I had already made the discovery of the century.
From then on, in or out of the house, I sought to literally have a pen on hand when it came to walking with Natalie. Although she didn’t like to realize that she was walking alone with a pen in her hand, every further time she was ready to walk, knowing that she was connected to me through the pen was enough for her.
On my adventure with my daughter, after a few days I changed the pen for a lemon. It was the right size for her little hand, so there was no longer any risk of getting poked. She looked so cute, walking with her little arm raised as if she was holding my hand, but it was a lemon that she treasured.
Little by little she began to feel safer with the lemon in her hand, and she realized that I was still very close to her, and that began to be enough for her. Her confidence was growing.
In your life, have you needed something or someone to help you develop trust in yourself?
And finally the big day arrived, on Christmas Eve, when Natalie was 18 months old, she finally walked on her own. That was my Christmas gift.
There was a moment when Jesus told his apostles that he would be with them until the end of the world. I can, and at the same time I cannot, imagine what it must have been like to live and coexist with Jesus during the 3 years of his public life. They must have had so many experiences with Jesus. And you, can you imagine?
After having been with Jesus in these experiences, how do you imagine they must have felt after the Ascension?
The first reference that comes to mind is my daughter Natalie realizing that she was not holding my hand. Although she didn’t talk enough yet, I know she didn’t feel safe alone.
What did you do the last time you felt alone?
My daughter was not alone, even though she felt that way. I wasn’t going to leave her. All I wanted was to help her realize that she could walk on her own.
Jesus tells us that he will always be with us. And what a relief that is.
My daughter first needed my hand, then a pen, until she needed a lemon to practice, trust in herself, until she could walk on her own.
Do you know what you need for those moments of not knowing how to trust?
On my end, I continue to discover what I need, and when I identify it, like the lemon in Natalie’s hand, I don’t let go.
We are not alone. God himself is not alone. In the mystery that God is, he is Triune God.
My daughter, Natalie, needed her time to feel safe, to develop or discover the trust she needed for her to walk alone. And at the same time, she was not alone, I was with her every step of the way while she was learning and after she was learning.
God is with you, God is with me. In what part of your life do you perceive his presence? And if you don’t perceive it, with complete honesty, you can tell him. If your heart longs for him, and you would like to grow in trust, or perceive his presence, feel free to let him know. If I walked with my daughter, even more so God walks with you.
I invite you to ask yourself, what would help you grow in trust?
Again, the invitation is that you share it with Jesus the carpenter.
Marisol
P.S. We can hear about Jesus telling the apostles that he will always be with them in the readings of the solemnity of the Holy Trinity, year/cycle B.
