In one of the classes preparing for my confirmation, I heard a variation of the following story:
Saint Augustine was trying to understand the great mysteries of God, and there was so much that he was processing in his mind that he went out for a walk to clear his head and get some air.
Walking along the beach he found a child playing in the sand, where he made a hole. With a bucket, the child carried water from the beach to the hole again and again.
The boy did not stop carrying water, until Saint Augustine asked him:
– What are you doing?
– I’m trying to put all the sea water in this hole.
– Kid, the hole is too small, and the water is too much, can’t you see that it doesn’t fit?
– That is what you are trying to do when you are attempting to fully understand God. God is too big and vast for you to put it all in your mind.
Wow, this story gave me a lot to think about. There were some classes, whether at school or in courses, in which my curiosity was immense and deep. I had a restless mind and frequently asked unusual questions. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those I asked didn’t always welcome my questions. Some people got upset, because since they didn’t know, they took offense at being “put on the spot” for not knowing the answer. Other times it was the group that did not look favorably on me when I asked a question, because the teacher gave a long answer, and the others did not receive it with pleasure.
Maybe you have had a similar experience, where you feel that “there isn’t” what you are looking for or need. What was that experience like for you? Were you satisfied with the circumstance? Were you looking for other options?
As it happened to me again and again in several different places, I took the message that it was better not to ask, since my concern and curiosity were not entirely welcome. Either they didn’t give me an answer, or they got annoyed by my questions.
Later, I found myself in better places, where my curiosity and questions were not only welcomed, but celebrated and requested. If someone I had asked didn’t know the answer, they directed me to other people or places where there was a better chance of me finding answers.
Today, what is the experience of your interior? Is what you are looking for and longing for within reach and available to you?
In my case, I went from an experience of feeling like there were no answers to my questions, to a completely different experience, where my curiosity found what it needed, and more.
Later I discovered that there were people who were attentive and supportive in the places where I thought my curiosity was not welcome. And similarly, there were also unsupportive and reserved people in the places where they did welcome my curiosity.
What had happened?
My attention was focused on different areas. First I focused on what was “missing,” and I did not notice what was there. Later I was able to perceive what “there was”, because I no longer put my attention to “what was missing”.
It is possible that the experience within us tells us what we are focusing on. Do you feel like something is missing? Do you feel like you have enough, and more?
What I longed for was always there, and I didn’t see it, because at that moment I couldn’t perceive it. Later I could, because my perception expanded.
What if the story I was told about Saint Augustine had been different?
Imagine that the child wanted to put water in the hole in the sand, but instead of having his attention focused on the sea, he had had his attention turned “with his back” to the sea. I guess he wouldn’t have noticed the vast amount of water. Maybe he would have said “there is no” water to put here. Still, the water was there, he would only have needed to expand his perception, turn to other directions, put his attention on “what is already there.”
And Saint Augustine? We have received a great and valuable inheritance from his writings. Although what we have received has been much, there is still more to know about God. There is more Of God, and there will always be more. And even better, there is more Of God beyond the writings, because we can have a personal relationship.
If there is something inside you that you do not find, that you do not perceive, perhaps it is not that “there isn’t there”, but perhaps it is a matter of focusing on expanding your perception and thus discovering what is already there.
Jesus has so much life that he resurrected several people, including a girl who was mentioned to be already dead. Jesus gives of what he has. Can we perceive that life?
Possibly, a first step is to be able to discover that God gives us life, and life in abundance. If we find it difficult to perceive that abundance, you and I can ask Jesus the carpenter, what can we do to perceive it?
Marisol
P.S. We can hear about the abundance of life that Jesus gives, in the readings for the 13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, year/cycle B.
