I remember that at my dad’s work there were years when they organized family Christmas parties. The offices had many employees, and these times were the best for families to get to know each other and have time together..
There was one year in particular that I remember the most. There were games, food and family activities, but what was really striking and important to me were the toys that were about to be raffled off. Each family was given tickets based on the number of children, which guaranteed that each child had their own toy. They prepared well and I remember that they had extra toys.
The time for the raffle was going to be at the end of the event. By then, each child would take the ticket they had been given when they arrived, to the place where all the toys were. There, they received the ticket, so that each child could then put their hand in a glass fish tank, full of the winning tickets.
I saw the space where the toys were set up, it was very big, and I saw it as almost shining. There were balls, dolls, skateboards, bicycles, board games, elastic action figures and lots of other toys. It was every child’s dream. And what caught my attention? A tea set. It was in a very large box, with a clear cover, where you could see all the contents. The teapot, its lid, cups and plates, and many other small accessories.
The times when I went with my mom to the stores, I always looked for the toy area, and it was the tea sets that most caught my attention at that age, even more than the dolls. As for the tea sets, there were boxes of many sizes, and the larger the box, the more unusual and special accessories there were in that set. Since those tea sets were of interest to me, I was very familiar with what each box size included. So when I saw the size of the box of that tea set at the inn, I knew it was something I’d never even seen in a store, so it captivated me and stole my little heart. I really wanted it.
Half enjoying the time we were there, the vast majority of my attention was on that tea set. I thought: “What if I win it?”
My excitement grew just thinking about it. I imagined the moments playing with my neighbors, my mom and my dolls, making “tea”, which was water with sugar. My enthusiasm grew so much, invading my body until it made me jump.
And you, do you remember when was the last time you wanted something, that you even jumped with excitement?
As time went by, and as we were engaged in the games, and I saw the large number of girls who could also win that tea set, my excitement diminished. I thought, “What if I don’t win it?”
I don’t remember my internal dialogue, but what I remember is the feeling of certainty that I wasn’t going to win it. And yes I wanted it, with all my little heart.
What I wanted, and what I believed, were in opposite directions.
Has something similar happened to you, that what you want and what you believe are in opposite directions? What was that circumstance in your life?
At that time, what was most present within me was the certainty that I was not going to have it. “I knew” that someone else was going to win it before I could. My disappointment was so great that when I was lined up to get my ticket, I was already crying.
In my interior, I had already decided the outcome. I had already accepted my faith, to receive “whatever I got,” and anything was going to be like a consolation prize.
And you, have you “decided” the outcome of a situation that has not yet happened?
To my great surprise, I did win it!
Because what I wanted and what I believed were in such opposite directions, being in the car returning from the Christmas party, I had a hard time enjoying what I had in my hands. Since I had already decided to play with something else, it took me until I got home and opened the box to fully realize that I had won it.
The strong belief I had did not allow me to see, enjoy and live what I literally had in my hands.
There were people who, having Jesus in front of them, were not open to what Jesus could (and it seems even wanted to) do. They questioned his being, his ability to heal. They didn’t believe in him.
Identify something that you really want, that you long for in your life. Do you think it is possible to achieve it, or have it? Are what you want, and what you believe going in the same direction?
The people who questioned Jesus, not believing in him, could not enjoy the expression of his love, even though he was among them. His expectations went in the opposite direction of love.
Is what you want, what you believe can happen?
With that tea set, I had many happy moments with my neighbors, my dolls and my mom.
If the Spirit leads you, explore with Jesus the carpenter what you want, and what you believe about what you want.
Marisol
P.S. We can hear about what Jesus experienced when they did not believe in him in the readings of the 14th Sunday of ordinary time, year/cycle B.
