A girl of about ten years old was walking in a bookstore, in the section of books suitable for her age. Among the variety of titles, one stood out: “How to make friends.” After reading the back cover, she began to explore the chapters titles.
Growing up, and remembering this scene, (whom I will call) Maria does not remember whether or not she bought the book. What she does remember is that the core message of the book was: “…listen to others, and you will be a good friend.”
Maria then shared with me that she became interested in this book basically because she felt alone. In her way of seeing things, she saw that her classmates at school had several friends, and she felt that she did not connect or have friends in a similar way. And that was why she was attracted to that book.
Has it ever happened to you that you feel alone?
Because of her older sister, she had a close reference of what having friends could look like. For Maria, having friends was being surrounded by friends almost all the time. Since that was not her experience, Maria assumed that something was wrong with her.
What Maria later discovered is that her sister has a different personality than her. Her sister is an extrovert, and she is an introvert. Before she discovered what that meant, she constantly compared herself with her sister, and was not happy with her experience of having friends.
With the friends you have, how close do you feel to them?
There is a moment when God puts Adam in a deep sleep, takes out a rib, and creates his suitable helper.
If we could look at this passage through the lens of friendship and companionship, it seems that Adam also took his time in finding someone close to him with whom to share in a more intimate way.
For you, how easy is it to cultivate friendships? How easy is it to develop trust in healthy and respectful relationships?
Some of us are very chatty, and others are more reserved. And there is nothing wrong with either of these two cases.
My blessed momma, Raquel, was a great example of someone who talked to others with great ease. My dad would jokingly say that if my mom stopped talking, “she would die.” My mom would talk to anyone, and people, for some reason, felt comfortable with her.
I remember times when, in the checkout line at the store, there were people who would tell her about their life. My dad and I would joke about it, making fictitious bets on how many people may have shared with her about their life when she was waiting for her turn to go in for a doctor’s appointment or something like that.
There was something that “strangers” saw in my mom that led them to trust her and share very personal things.
In your experience, how much do you trust those that are close to you?
Adam’s rib, from which Scripture mentions that God created Eve, is close to the heart. Could it be that the story invites us to connect with the heart?
After some time, María realized that she could not connect with some people because they were of different temperament, and did not connect in the same way, from the heart.
In your close relationships, do you know how you connect with others? Do you connect with ideas, activities, or emotions?
We are all different, with different nature, preferences, and abilities. Beyond “good or bad,” could it be about finding the right point of connection?
Sharing from the heart is sharing our treasure. When we find those right people, we are heard, received, treasured in a mutual, reciprocal, and equitable way. In other words, we are heard and we listen, we receive and we are received, we treasure the other person, and we are treasured by them.
Just as Adam recognized in Eve the flesh of his flesh, and the bone of his bones, when we connect with others with our hearts, perhaps we will be moved, and we will find the things that unite us. Whatever your personal situation might be, it is good for us to be accompanied.
If the Spirit leads you, share with Jesus the carpenter how you connect with the people close to you. And perhaps, you will discover with Jesus a new way of connecting with others. And at the same time, with God himself.
Marisol
P.S. We can hear about how it is good for us people to be accompanied in the readings of the XXVI Sunday of Ordinary Time, year / cycle B.
