I have some memories of my childhood growing up in the beautiful city of Zacatecas, of when my brother and boy cousins would play wrestling, while my girl cousins and I played with dolls (usually Barbies).
The gatherings were most of the time on weekends, when my mother’s family would gather at my maternal grandparents’ house. My grandfather would go in and out the house, according to his commitments. When he arrived at the house, several of us, his grandchildren, would approach him to “ask him for a 20”, which in other words was asking him for a 20 cent coin. Doing it was like throwing a coin in the air and not knowing what came out, because sometimes he did give us “20”, and other times “20” was a good squeeze on the cheek.
While my cousins and I played with our dolls, we listened to the boys shouting about their fights. Occasionally, we would also hear one of our aunts telling them to calm down their impulses, that it was about playing, and not about getting hurt.
It was also around that time that movies about wrestlers were on television, starring “El Santo”, who became a popular heroic figure. His films had a variety of titles depicting his adventures beyond the ring. It was not until some time passed that I discovered that “El Santo” was not only an actor who inspired movies and fights among my cousins, he was a real fighter in that sporting genre.
I remember that on some Sundays, my brother and my dad would watch together some of those movies on television, and on other occasions, they would watch the fights as an alternative to watching boxing. There was a moment when I was very confused about the fights, the narrator said something equivalent to “mask against long hair.” They then explained to me, that one wrestler had his face covered with a mask, and the other had his hair unusually long. Hence the nicknames.
If the fighter who won had a mask, he meant that the fighter with hair would lose it. As part of losing the fight, his head was shaved. And if the winner was the wrestler with hair, the masked wrestler would have to reveal his identity by taking off his mask.
Personally, I didn’t see much sense in fighting, but I saw that my dad and brother did. And also my cousins. Why continue with that every week? To me the fighters all seemed the same, and I thought that every week they were the same ones fighting.
But they weren’t the same every week, nor were the fights the same, some were more important than others. If I understood correctly, there were playoffs and championships.
And guess what? As time passed there was something inside me that was like the little fights every week. Things that I had to explore internally, which seemed not like a wrestling season, but like the little game fights between my cousins. Something non-violent, but constant.
What are your little fights? What is your fighting ring? How long or short is the season? We can even have categories between different “wrestlers”. The faithfulness of the metaphor makes me laugh, I have several championships.
Far from being real fistfights, these “little fights” are for me the search to find what is right for me according to the love that God has for me. How can your and my life bear more fruit in His love? Jesus says that in order to bear fruit, the grain of wheat has to die.
Returning to the wrestlers’ fights, if one of them was about to lose, he had an alternative to keep his mask or his hair, and still lose. Surrender.
It is okay to have internal struggles, no matter for how long they may be. The good thing is that Jesus has patience. You and I can continue learning by watching how he does what he does. With the way he lives and dies, he redefines what it means to win, lose and surrender.
Is there anything you are internally struggling with?
Pay attention to your soul. Jesus felt his agitated.
If you find this to be the case, remember that it is an invitation, not an imposition. Perhaps your struggle and mine is to accept the invitation to die, live and bear fruit.
Marisol
P.S. You can hear Jesus referring to wheat seeds in the readings for the V Sunday of Lent, cycle/year B.
