I became a mother for the first time at the tender age of 25. All the impatience I had for nine months simply disappeared when I had my baby in my arms. All those moments I imagined of tenderness and mystery, of how another human being could grow inside me, did not compare to the wonder and love that overflowed when I looked at my newborn, Jessica.
They were beautiful, indescribable moments. Until she started to cry.
During my pregnancy I listened to the experiences of other moms, I read books and magazines, and although it did help and guide me, hearing my baby cry did not give me definite answers about what she needed.
My confusion grew, because I had already followed the basic steps. I had already fed her, bathed her and changed her. What else could it be?
My mom then told me:
–The time will come when you will know what she needs. You will recognize the type of crying she has, and you will know what to do.
–Type of crying? They all sound the same!
–Yes, babies cry differently according to what they need or want. Don’t worry, you will learn it, that comes with the experience of being a mom.
And yes, she was right. After a few weeks of feeling like I was playing guessing games, I began to notice that difference that my mom mentioned. Part of it was figuring out her eating and sleeping schedule, and part of it was adapting when that rhythm changed due to her growth. I felt so accomplished (remembering it brings a smile to my heart). My guessing moments became less frequent each time.
By the time Natalia, my youngest daughter, was born, I already had the experience of distinguishing the different types of crying in her big sister, so I thought it wouldn’t be so difficult.
Haha, good joke.
Just because it was less difficult doesn’t mean it was easier. Well, I had other responsibilities besides some health issues.
Although it took me a while, I was able to discover that difference in my youngest daughter’s crying. I knew very well when each of them was tired.
A while later, as my daughters started to play together, Natalia didn’t want to stop playing, but she was already ready to sleep. She was fussy, she didn’t play and she didn’t sleep. And she didn’t even let me sleep. Although it took me time, intention and finding a way, I managed to calm her down so that she would fall asleep. . .
It wasn’t just that I knew the cry of my daughters. I also got to know the kind of fussyness they had when they were older. I knew when it was time for them to stop doing whatever they were doing, and get them ready to rest.
All these memories and experiences from my first years of motherhood were forgotten until a few weeks ago. Natalia came home from work saying:
–I’m fed up, I don’t want to be in that place anymore, there are too many people, it’s chaos, I don’t know how I’ve endured so much.
–Oh, okay… (I don’t focus on her words, but on how is she telling me what she is telling me)
–Are you listening to me? I don’t want to go back to that place anymore!
–It’s okay, my love, I’m listening to you. I’m paying attention to you.
–Don’t tell me that I have to go back there because I don’t want to and I’m not going to.
–Yes, I heard you, my love.
–Natalia begins to calm down little by little.
And you, have you found yourself in a situation where you feel like you can’t take it anymore?
After a while I said to Natalia:
–Come, my love, let’s rest for a while.
–I don’t want to, I can never sleep during the day!
–It’s okay, if you don’t want to sleep, that’s okay. So come with me and I’ll rest. Nothing bad will happen if you don’t sleep. Just be by my side.
–(Grumblings continue)
Although it was obvious that something wasn’t right, I know that the place where she works is a place where there is a lot of respect and professionalism. On that side, I didn’t have any worries.
Then I started to put two and two together. The night before, Natalia had slept only four hours, and the night before, six hours. And that shift at work, from which she came home quite upset, was the first one. She had few hours of sleep, plus what she had to do at work.
So, when she got home, and I heard the way she was talking to me, it took me back to those experiences from when she was little, and it’s as if I had seen the same scene, same attitudes, same resistance to rest in a young adult version. I decided to follow my maternal intuition.
In the end, she fell asleep in less than 10 minutes. Quite fast for someone “who can’t sleep during the day.”
There was someone else who had a very similar experience to Natalia’s, it was the prophet Elijah. He also complained on his journey. After falling asleep, eating and resting more, Elijah had the strength to continue on his path.
The proper rest, the proper food, was what Elijah and my daughter needed, and at the time, my daughter said that it had nothing to do with it. And when she got up, after resting, and after eating, she was another person. Natalia later commented:
–I think I was more tired than I thought. Now I can see things differently. The day was not very differentfrom others, and I had never felt like that. It was me, it was my tiredness.
In your case, do you feel tired to the point of saying:
–I don’t want this any more!
If this is your case, perhaps the invitation is, before you decide how to proceed with what you no longer want, to rest properly, and eat properly. We are on the journey. And like Elijah, we still have a long way to go.
Resting and eating properly is simply necessary. What could you do to get the closest thing to adequate rest and food?
It was the angel of the Lord who attended to Elijah. Perhaps God also sends you angels to support you, so that you can continue on your way. When these people appear in your life, receive their support. You will surely also be an angel for another pilgrim at another time.
If the Spirit leads you, share with Jesus the carpenter the small changes you can make to rest and eat better, and thus be ready for the journey that awaits you.
Marisol
P.S.: We can hear how Elijah rested and moved forward in the readings of the 19th Sunday of Ordinary Time, year/cycle B.
