The pandemic had already begun a few months before. Uncertainty was present in the environment. It was not prudent to see each other as we were used to. Outside of our homes, communication took a digital turn in audio and video.
On one occasion, I had a video call appointment at around nine in the morning. I got up early, and I wanted to prepare myself as best as possible, since we had made the appointment a month in advance.
I prepared what was required of me, and then I began to arrange the space. My computer was not working well, so I set out to arrange a suitable space for the video call from my phone.
I set up a small table, a stand so I wouldn’t have my phone just in my hands, I put my notes on the other side, and I closed my eyes. I tried to mentally review my part once again.
What felt like about three minutes passed, I looked at the clock and it was past nine.
-What? Is it 9:25? How can this be?
Time slipped by without me even realizing it.
Have you ever had a moment slip by without fully realizing it?
For me, that time lapse was obviously more than three minutes. I had fallen asleep.
I checked my phone, and I had received two video calls and a text message from the person I was meeting with, and I didn’t hear the notifications. I called him immediately, and he didn’t answer. I assumed he was busy with other activities.
In my text message, I apologized deeply, and asked for another appointment. When he could, the person responded with another date.
I felt so bad, for two reasons. First, how was it possible that I had fallen asleep so deeply with something that was so important to me? And second, I felt very embarrassed with the person I had the appointment with.
A few months later, it came to light that my health was not good. I had a very acute internal imbalance, which resulted in me being extremely tired at all times.
Months later, I found myself in the hospital for a week taking care of my health. My body took time to get back into proper balance. And I don’t fall asleep anymore! Haha…
In a diametrically opposite contrast, upon returning from the hospital, I went almost a week without sleep. The doctors couldn’t give me a specific reason why I couldn’t fall asleep.
During those sleepless nights, I had many opportunities to think and feel many things that I couldn’t before because of all the time my body was asking me to sleep.
Physically, I was very, very tired, but there was something profoundly different. Even though I was physically in pain, my mind was very clear. Being awake, I could be attentive.
In your life, what have been the circumstances when you have been able to be truly attentive?
There is a moment in Scripture when Jesus tells us to be awake. In your experience, what is it like to be awake?
Beyond common sense, when I was asleep I couldn’t even perceive the passage of time. When I was awake, I could be a little more attentive.
How could you stay a little more awake, and therefore more attentive?
In the season when I fell asleep even at times I didn’t want to, when I was awake I had a sense of urgency and desperation.
What is your experience of being awake?
What may Jesus want you to perceive when you are awake?
If the Spirit leads you, ask Jesus the carpenter how you can be awake, and what he wants you to perceive better.
Marisol
P.S. We can hear about Jesus’ invitation to be awake in the readings of the First Sunday of Advent, year/cycle C.
